Monday, May 10, 2010
Hello my dears, how is your Monday?
Here in Yay Area, California, it's a schizophrenic on/off switch of rain and shine.
The Spring is here, (in this area, it has been for a long while) inciting long walks, lots of photos of flowers, and moments admiring light.
The past few months, for me, have been a heap of mixed-baggery. The new year came in, up and down: perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop.
When I last wrote, to be honest, I was in a pretty dire spot, and was considering abandoning art-making all together.
I've been feeling lately that the methods I have relied upon in the past no longer serve me - and thus feel forced and outmoded. They're cast in this mold of final product, quick changeover, and imitation. I'm just beginning to realize now how it puts me in this position of resenting the creation process, hurrying to some end-day when I'll finally have the time to do as I wish.
But the day I will be perfect and "finished," will be the day I die.
So what then? Change is scary. The conflict I'm wrestling with now, with my art, and my expression, is like some somatic symptom of my feet dragging - resistance at finding a new method.
Perpetually in transition, I am still filling up my mind with ideas and images like some decanter of experience. After maybe a few more years of decanting, maybe I'll have some great work, my gift - perfectly aerated. It will be true, and come perfectly from me. Fountained.
Since then, and despite my challenges, I have seen New York, New Jersey, Ohio, Kentucky, a glorious wedding, and (large amounts of) snow. Thankfully, I came back around to my senses. Travel will do that.
Mike has taken up a new hobby - our oven is filled with bricks. Every weekend he experiments in baking, and his holy grail is the perfect New York style pizza. I'm convinced he's already nailed it, but he isn't satisfied. In myriad ways, he's the foundation for my ability to not give up.
My family has been predictably incompetent and infuriating - and predictably just in time for Mother's Day... I think I've finally given up having any manner of dialogue with mine.
The detractors, distractors, the nay-sayers.... I can't waste energy on them any longer.
It takes away too much from my work.
Employment-wise, I've been doing brief gasps of work for game companies, web non-profits, and authors whom I inexplicably befriended at coffee shops.
A good friend has loaned me a copy of this; it and various design blogs have been a very grounding place to make me feel less crazy, despite the rabble's prattling opinion.
And about and between this, I'm developing my own children's book, a fantasy bedtime adventure that is somewhat autobiographical. This project has allowed me to somewhat keep my head during my days (and away from Facebook), and warm me to the idea of being a freelancer.
My home studio fits like a pair of favorite shoes, by now.
It's usually covered in Moleskines and paint.
Two of my dearest loves have always been watercolor and natural history, and diving back into that world has taken me into heights of nerdery these past months, all which I refuse to apologize for. :P
I recently completed a terrifying double page spread of a Dunkleosteus menacing my characters, I'll try to get it up soon.
I am also letting a few new stories simmer a bit more in the pot, they might cross and connect in cute little ways. They're fittingly children's literature-esque, hopefully one or more will show promise, and be a follow-up book to the Bedtime Adventure.
In the meantime, here are a few quick previews of my children's book, Dinosaurs Before Bedtime: (my good cousin Chad visited from Dallas, and snuck photos while I was out, the little sneak)
And some new places to see me (because I'm feeling whorish):
My tumblr, a repository of things I like, and you might, too: Tumbles away!
I'll also be featured in the Drawgasmic compendium: Drawgasmic
Happy May, cuties.